It has begun. Just at lunchtime today I noticed a horizontal bald strip across the back of Teague's head. I don't know when that happened. All in one morning? Did it happen that fast or has it been happening and I just didn't see it? I haven't cried about it yet, but I might.
I was talking to my sister Jessie, who is a runner. She said when she coached girls' track, she'd tell the milers to do a gut-check on lap three because that's the one that gets you. First lap, you're excited. Second lap, you still have energy. Fourth lap, you can see the end and you get a second wind. But on that third lap, you feel tired. You think you have to slow down or you're going to die. But if you do a gut-check, you'll pass the people who are resting.
We are halfway through the radiation treatments. Lap two, down. Lap three is tough. This week I've been extra weepy, extra cranky, extra tired (though I've found ways to nap and it's been miraculous), and I've cracked a couple of times. Just broken down and cried.
The release has felt good, but I don't have time for it. I have to be a mom. I have to take care of a cancer baby. I have to give attention to the older kids. And feed them. And scrub toilets and floors and fold laundry. Keep things running. I have to fill in the gaps. I have to find it from somewhere.
And now, the effects of radiation are starting to show on my little Teague. I don't know how much hair my baby is going to lose or what other signs of radiation will manifest. Maybe not much more than this. I can only hope.
Just three more weeks. Hang in there, buddy. We'll hang with you: Daddy, Mommy, Braiden, and Tate, and all the people who love you.
Gut check.
Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteWhen you do get a moment-let it out! Let it out as much as you can! Your strength is amazing, but you're human and it's ok to release it every once in a while. You will get through this. Want to drop off your laundry here on your way to the Dr's? I'll do it for you!!!
ReplyDeleteWe'll hang with you too! By the way, do you want to go get ice cream some night after kiddies are in bed? Think about it....
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to lend you my bed again any time you're over and I'm not in it already. ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mike and Shelby...let it out, it really is ok for you to cry. If I were closer I'd come clean for you! ;)
ReplyDeleteI love that you are writing this all down.
ReplyDeleteSo sad to see his little baldy spot :(
We are here with you. Happy to run the lap (s) with you!!
I LOVE the new picture of Teague!!!!! very cute and sweet and precious!!!!!!! his shirt matches perfectly with those flowers, (crystal palace) I think that is what they are, we have them in our garden. Stay strong!! hang in there, like you say it's getting closer to the end of radiation. Thank gosh he's a boy and it's ok with him losing his hair! it will be nice and cool for summer right? :) Keep up the faith and continue being a great mom!! Teague is lucky to have you as a mother just as I am sure you say you are lucky to have Teague as a son!! :) xoxo Les
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