In God's Hands

I've been thinking about how to make it through this. How to reduce my stress until it's over. How to live normally. I don't want to minimize how much the Lord has helped us, guided us, strengthened us, and comforted us. It has been more than I had ever thought possible.

One of the ways he has done that has been through other people's prayers, kind words, and insights. So when I needed more wisdom and faith than I have now, I asked a friend that I hadn't been in touch with in decades.

Last summer C.D. and Theresa Williams lost their son Ryan to neuroblastoma. Ryan was not quite six. His funeral was the same day as our class reunion. I can't express enough appreciation to C.D. for revisiting his difficult road to help me get down mine. He has shared some precious things with me that can come only from someone who has been there. The most important thing he told me was this:

One day, somehow, you must get to the place where you get alone with God and you turn EVERYTHING over to Him. I'm not saying you haven't before, but it will be different. The only time I found peace is when I finally said, "Ok God. Whatever happens I will serve you anyway. I want you to heal Ryan and keep him here with us. Well, happy, perfect. But whatever happens, no matter what, I will trust you and I will know that you know best. I don't want to lose him. But I put him, his life, my life, my family, my finances in Your hands."

I am not there yet, but I do know that Teague is in the Lord's hands. He knows what will happen. And what happens will be His will. I don't really have any control, anyway. All I can do is ask and hope that His and my will are the same, and if they're not, I have to change mine.

I think that we all hope to have that kind of faith. Like Abraham. You get your instructions and you just start hiking.

The concept is one thing. Being tested on it is another.

Can I do that? Can I trust the Lord that absolutely? That is my project. I'm not trying to rush it. I know it will take time, study, prayer, and a willingness not to be afraid. I don't expect to get there quickly, but I have made a space in my soul for that increase to come.

I know that when I get to where I know that I can't do better for Teague than God can, when I know that His will is better than anything I can hope for, I will have a degree of peace that I've not yet experienced.

I have shed many tears of gratitude. Thank you, C.D., for being so willing to share your experience and your wisdom with me. Your help is an answer to prayer.